People have expressed thanks for being vulnerable…. My response outwardly is Thanks it’s hard, but inwardly my response is, I wasn’t completely vulnerable. I left a lot out. A lot.
Maybe you can relate, but being vulnerable may be the hardest part of life. I don’t like opening up, and I do not like sharing my emotions. I feel weak, I feel feeble, and I don’t like it. I like being strong, I like being funny, and I like being stable.
There is a great fear in sharing what is really going on in our heads. What if we really said what was on our minds facebook? No I’m not going to share that. I wouldn’t have any friends.
Comparison: Discounting who you are and what you have in regards towards others.
Acceptance: Doing, saying, acting, and behaving a certain way to get others to like me.
Judgment: Believing in my soul life would be better if _______________________
Jealousy: Believing you deserve it and others don’t.
I could keep making lists. I can go on and on about what keeps me up at night, but I still don’t let people all the way in. I am really good at keeping people at a distance. About arms distance. Hugs are too much. I don’t like touch, and I have to talk myself into eye contact. I don’t know why, but I am afraid of letting people all the way in.
My mentors, my friend Josh and Brady, and that is about it. Those are the three that know it all. And even they are close but not completely. And
That is ok
I have those folks in my life and it is good. It has been a start. They give me space to say what is really going on in my heart and in my head. Most of the time my head stops them from hearing about what’s in my heart, but sometimes I let them in.
I’ve realized most of us are extremely harsh towards ourselves. We beat ourselves up over things we would be proud in others. We say things to our self we would never speak out loud. In fact, I would be so bold to say we are the worst person/friend/confidant/life coach we could ever be to ourselves.
I’m trying to change my head space, and I am realizing my Mentor, and my friends are the key. They speak great words to me. They tell me when I am being dumb, and they speak life into me when I need it most.
I hadn’t met with my mentor in a few months, and meeting with him last week was the best part of my whole week.
My mentor allows me to
See how comparing my life to others only brings hate and anger.
Shows me I am accepted before wanting to be accepted.
Brings me to gratitude and instills in me a heart of thankfulness.
Let’s me know how I will be given good gifts in time, and they are worth the wait.
Maybe you are like me and you are not great at being vulnerable. My response is… Knowing you are not good at being vulnerable is the start. We are all on a journey. We all are growing and becoming. We are all being more and more the person God knows we are. And wanting to be vulnerable is a start, and right now, it’s good enough. Good job. Keep trying. Keep failing. For one day we will look back and see the progress.