Not sure why but I keep returning to my own vomit…
For some reason I can’t get enough. I can’t quit hitting my head against a wall to see how much damage I can do to the wall. I keep forgetting how fragile I am, and how hard the wall is.
I truly believe I have found the way in which the world works. The alchemy of this life, and I keep forgetting it. Daily. It’s as if I know how to get back to the garden, and yet I stay in chaos. It’s almost as if we thrive in the chaos and peace and unity are boring.
The greatest travesty in all of human history, the grandiose atrocity of life, I would argue, is getting what you want. (That’s a really bold statement). And real true authentic faith is all the stuff in between.
Here’s my case: (Also, feel free to disagree) (Always feel free to disagree)
The most disappointed I have been is in getting what you want. When you receive the prize, the object you have desired, the apple in your eye, it turns into something you never imagined. (no this isn’t because I just bought a vehicle… I frickin love the new vehicle, it is so sick) But It becomes one more thing you have. It becomes what it is, an object, a person, a job, or a destination.
I’ve been trying to understand truth. Real truth. And the more you try to study truth, the more mystery there is. How can something be true? Is it revealed in nature? Is it brought about by scripture? What if scripture doesn’t talk about it, but is vague and implies it? Is it true if your mother told you? Is it true if it works? What happens if it works one day but doesn’t the next? What about when someone tells you something true that you are not sure of, but it sounds true? Is it true because a learned teacher taught you? Where did they learn it from?
(I’m sorry for that rant)
I keep forgetting a universal anomaly. Never is life, never was life, and never will life be about the destination. We will never arrive. And I don’t want to arrive. We should always be curious, we should strive for more questions and less certainty, and we need to stop being obsessed with having.
Once we gain what we so terribly desire, we are almost instantly disappointed. When you get to the end of a hike and you are at the waterfall on top of a mountain, what is the first thing you do? You look around and see that there is more. There is a high mountain in the distance, there is another waterfall miles away, and there are more trails ahead. So what do we do with this?
Take it with you
We needn’t hold on to joy and keep it as if we found it, but we need to enjoy it as we go. Gratitude for the journey is how life works. We are not built for the destination. We are built to go, to adventure, to be on this ongoing creation of the world. We are a part and we are all participating in the constant mystery of this world (which never stops spinning, or we would die).
So, I want to wake up every day and say these words: “Enjoy the journey Trevor for you are not designed for the destination”.
What do you desire? Do you think life will be “whole” when you have it? Do you think all your fears and insecurities will fade away when you receive what your inmost heart desires? Or, can you already be whole now? Can you enjoy what you have while striving for something more? I’m not saying it’s bad to want, or desire, but I am saying we should try and not miss all the greatness along the way. Are you so focused on the prize that you miss the people in front of you?
There are so many great things in store for today even if you don’t believe it. Even if you cannot see.