Sad, but they do.
We all have dreams, aspirations, ideas, goals, but something happens when they go unanswered for years upon years…
When I was little I wanted to be a lot of different occupations. One was a pizza maker. I wanted to make pizza, eat pizza, and become the best pizza man. In high school I wanted to get a business degree. I thought I would go to college and apprehend a business degree. I would open up a ski and snowboard shop, and sell outdoor sports equipment. (Super exciting).
Im not sure when one of my dreams died. Maybe it is too lofty, or maybe I have had too many upsets. When you try to follow Jesus your priorities, goals, and even dreams can change. Not in a negative way. It is almost a reorganizing of dreams and realities. I realized I could probably open a ski and snowboard shop. I could be a business guy, but I didn’t believe Jesus was pushing me in that direction. I started doing Younglife, and haven’t looked back. That isn’t the dead dream though. It’s a little more vulnerable than I like.
I used to dream I would one day be married. I would dream of who it would be, what it would be like, how we would live, how many kids and dogs, and the fun we would have. I dreamed about the house we would live in, what kind of Dad I would be, and how much I would love my wife. How much I would cherish my wife. How much I would do for her, give to her, sing to her, prank her, and laugh with her. But somewhere all of this died. Not sure if it was all the attempts met with heartbreak, the high hopes dashed by rejection, but somewhere my ship went down. Tragically it has been dead for a good number of years. (Ive been struggling with even spelling marriage)
As humans we expect life to play out in the way we see, want, or believe. Almost stubbornly, or hard headed we dream. We expect the dream to play out as we have always believed it would. I wanted a story. I wanted a tale of love where all who listened sat in awe and were inspired. As humans, when it doesn’t happen, we reorganize. We shift our thinking, our beliefs, and we let dead things be dead things. And so for me, I began to believe it isn’t in the cards I have been dealt. I now live life this way. It affects the way I see, how I interact with others, and how I trust God. Because of the way the world and my life have played out, I now cast this understanding on my dreams and on Jesus.
Somewhere in me there is still a desire. It’s small but it is still there. It is a wanting, a longing, a heart wrenching ache for the seemingly impossibility of marriage. And with this season of lent I have decided to begin to pray… again. Pray for my dead dream. Jesus is in the vocation of resurrection. Jesus loves to heal, make whole, and honor our attempt. I don’t know what will happen, and I still have trouble believing anything in this area of my life. But, it is a start. I hope I can land on my feet and find a new breath of life in this section of life.
What dreams of yours are dead that need to become alive? How has life played out for you? Do you believe your dreams can be resurrected? I want to be hopeful. I want to pray. I want to dream again. I want to be full of awe and wonder. I want to trust this man Jesus with all the parts of my life. Even the parts that are dead.
He is good
We are His beloved.