We have our minds
We have our desires
And I believe I know better than God…
Any good prayer is a prayer you don’t want to pray. Its either too hard, too big, or too illogical. I believe we are afraid to tell God our inmost desires, or even confess our terrible thoughts. Or, at least I am.
Wind has a way of teaching us who is in control, and how to listen. I was racing through my mind on a walk a few days back, and the wind told me to turn my head. The wind was loud as I continued to walk straight ahead, but as I turned my head it fell silent. There was no noise, and I could hear clearly. My mind stopped, I stopped. I realized sometimes you need to do something which seems not in your best interest.
Im working out right now, and it sucks. It’s hard, I want to quit. There is sweat, pain, I got hurt the other day, and I do not like it. But then I do. There is something about that breath you take when you are finished with a good work out. It is satisfying. Your body thanks you, your brain is stimulated, and you are satisfied. It is a breath of obedience. You don’t want to put on the gym shorts, you don’t want to lace your shoes, but when you obey all those seemingly hard things you do before you go to the gym are worth it. It is hard in the beginning, but it is worth it down the road.
We all have a picture of what we believe our life is supposed to look like. And then it all gets stripped away. Whether we like it or not. Our rights become lefts, our mountains become rivers, and we don’t know which way is up. The days begin to stream together. The collaborative attempts of your friends have no power, and then there is a moment where you begin to understand. We begin to understand that His ways are not our ways. Jesus has a way of working in the illogical, non commonsensical, and not our way. And I am starting to be ok with it.
I believe we are to confess our desires, even cry out to God, but then believe He knows whats happening. Our desires can be overwhelmingly strong and the only way to pray is to groan. And it’s ok. Can we believe He truly has our best interest at heart. Believe He is doing something with this time in our lives. It is ok to tell Jesus what we want, what we want for others, and ask Him, for we will know Him better by our honesty. We often look for a tangible God. We pray tangible prayers, or prayers that seem to be logical. And with these prayers we get to know Jesus more like a friend, and less like customer service agent. We start to know He does care, and He isn’t a derelict.
“When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘O yes-I already have everything that I really need’” Dalai Lama
I want to have my way, in Him
I want my mind to be like His
I want my desires to be what He desires