Hearing from humans can be difficult. We hear, I hear things, in different ways. I have a mind, and in my mind I have barriers. When you speak words to me they go through these barriers. They become distorted, wrinkled, stretched, and jumbled. When people tell me things I can’t hear them clearly. My barriers are in the way.
I feel as though I see the world through a fog laden labyrinth filled with truth and lies.
You say words to me, they travel from your lips to my ears, through, around, and in a maze filled with…
Longing to be longed for
And Trust (or lack thereof)
This is how I listen. Not only is this how I listen to people, but it is God as well. I have a hard time living in reality, or clarity. It is hard to hear.
My preoccupation’s with my barriers do not allow me to be present. I stay rooted in those barriers. But today I read something in the bible. Maybe it can help. I am not sure why it helped me today, but it did.
Jesus was just finishing a talk with a woman at a well when His disciples came back. They were amazed Jesus was talking to a woman. I like to picture the well in the middle of town like the scene from Beauty and The Beast. The town centers around the well, but the area is more like a desert, dusty and hot. Jesus has a great conversation with the woman, but the disciples are not interested. They ask if Jesus is hungry, and His response was weird. He says he is not hungry, but was full. His food is from Heaven. Heavenly food which gives fullness, abundance, and graciously to others. Something filled Jesus’ belly, and filled it to the max. Tangibly, spiritually, emotionally, but different. I want to know what heavenly food tastes like. Is it an actual full feeling? There is nothing better than a satisfying meal which fills your stomach and warms your bones. There is no greater peace, love, and joy than reclining after a meal satisfied and content.
Most of my anxiety comes from unsaid or un had conversations. It makes my stomach hurt, it affects my sleep, and keeps me panicked. My head reaches the clouds and I cannot come down. I do not know why I get stuck, and I also do not know why I keep conversations to myself. They are usually filled with fruit and it feels good when they leave my head.
I was told by a friend how she wished I could have had a conversation with her sooner. I agree. But I was not listening. I wasn’t listening to God, I wasn’t listening to people, and I was stuck in the fog. I do not know how to listen more quickly, or respond to Jesus in a relatively fast manor. But I wan’t to get better. I want more heavenly food to fill me rather than anxiety. I want to be content in Jesus and who Jesus says I am. No matter the conversations or the situations.
I am praying for my blind spots to be brought to light. I am praying to be truthful and honest the moment I know or hear from God. I know it will hurt, but it will allow me to be more faithful, and less hungry for worldly food.
May we start to hear and see life through a clear, barrier less, satisfied, and content Spirit.