I don’t want to write about it today
I don’t want to be that guy who writes about tragedy
or a failed attempt to write about tragedy.
Somedays you don’t want to start. Sometimes you don’t want to go to bed. All so you do not have to think about if it is real or not. Getting out of bed seems impossible.
There is a terribly short verse in the bible where, “Jesus wept”. (John 11:35, NIV) But I don’t believe Jesus is weeping for the reason most believe. Death never frightened Jesus. He wasn’t afraid of His own, he didn’t flinch with a dead girl, and he talks about an afterlife we may never be able to understand until it happens.
There are many thoughts that come when talking about death, but for me nothing seems to make sense. I can’t seem to put any reason on why, or who, or timing, but there are some questions that will never be answered.
I didn’t want to write about a recent death, but there is a man I need to tell you about. This man is humble and this man will never tell you what I am going to. This man is quiet, charming, and utterly full of love. (He also has great puns). He is the closest thing to Jesus I have watched. And for this man is why I weep.
My friend had cancer and this cancer may have taken my friend away, but cancer didn’t win. My friend was joyful, full of life, and full of love until his remaining breaths on this earth. My friend was full of bad jokes, a great laugh, and an awesome sense of full life. There was a man during the cancer that stayed around. This man helped my friend through all the fighting, crying, hopelessness, and triumphs. This man was by my friends side through the hard days, through the good days, and visits to the hospitals and ambulance rides. This has been the most clear picture of Love I have yet to watch. This man didn’t have the right words to say, he didn’t pray the right prayers, but what he did do was miraculous. This man was present, with, and by my friends side for the whole ride. Through the sleepless nights, and wonderful “Make a wish” New Zealand trips. There were not many events, birthdays, hospital appointments, or phone calls this man missed. This man loved my friend like Jesus does.
I believe Jesus wept because he saw how everyone around was full of grief. And for that I understand. I see the pain my friends are going through and so I weep. I can feel the pain of a mother, the hurt of a father, and the sadness of mourning friends. And so I weep for them. I morn with them, and I have a peace for my friend brought goodness, smiles, the gospel, and laughs with him wherever he went. Bravery is a small word compared to what my friend demonstrated.
I don’t have answers for death. I don’t feel good about anyone dying and I don’t believe anyone does. There are things that are, and will continue to remain a mystery. But what I do know is a man who stayed by my friends side. I know it wasn’t easy, and to this man I say…
“Well done good and faithful servant.”